Listening. One of the most important, yet underrated and underdeveloped skills in society today. If organizations are committed to maintaining a culture that benefits everyone, they must achieve meaningful dialogue. Dialogue requires both sides to actively listen to each other, and to respond thoughtfully.
So often, exchanges are a monologue by one person and an ‘inner dialogue’ by the other. We frequently appear to listen but are simply waiting for our turn to speak. Two ships passing in the night. Eventually, we might work out a reasonable conclusion to a conversation. But how much was missed, misunderstood or misinterpreted? According to research, our brains think at approximately twice the speed that a person speaks. So, there’s a natural tendency to be thinking about what we will say next.
Instead, become a champion of asking questions – how else can you sell a solution, understand what’s important to your suppliers, know what’s bothering your co-workers, friends or family? If you don’t ask intelligent, meaningful, sincere, sometimes tough questions, how can you be of service to anyone?
But asking questions is just the first step.
To truly be of service or have a meaningful discussion, you also have to listen. With ears wide open, and with attention focused on the other person. With body language that says I’m here with you – facing them directly; leaning forward; nodding encouragingly; smiling at the right time; or raising an eyebrow when you hear something interesting.
Achieve Meaningful Dialogue:
- Make time to talk. Set up regular meetings with your employees.
- Meet in a quiet, private space.
- Put your devices or papers aside. Don’t get distracted.
- Be curious. People love to talk about themselves. Discover their passions.
- Ask permission to take notes about the essence of what you hear.
- Listen with a goal in mind. What’s the purpose of the meeting? Listen for clues that you’re both working toward the same outcome.
- Attend to the emotions and meanings behind the words. Read between the lines.
- Seek clarity. Use open-ended questions to encourage and closed-ended ones to clarify.
- Confirm that you are on the same page, “So, if I understand you correctly, what you’re saying is…”
- Don’t jump to conclusions.
Being a good listener will build trust and respect, and if you know what others want, you can help them to get it.
TAC can help too. You can learn about our Results-Centred 360 leadership survey which asks questions about how well we listen and give feedback.